The Work Files – Parlez-Vous Français?

Warning – this post contains some strong language – just not in English.

“Mon Dieu!” and “Je n’ai aucun sens de modèle!”

Those were the phrases greeting me within the first paragraph of an article I was busily proofing. Fortunately, my limited grasp of French was enough to tell me what my charming little writer friend was saying was, in essence, “My God! I don’t know nothin’ about style.”

I’m sure there is a more attractive way of saying it, although, French being the language it is, you could tell someone to “piss up a rope” and it sounds better in that language than in others. (Excepting of course those people to whom anything and everything even remotely French is distasteful thanks to politics, but that’s another can of worms, n’est-ce pas?)

But I digress.

Where was I going? Oh yeah. This blasted writer who kept insisting on peppering his otherwise good and readable article with cutesy French phrases.

This job requires a command of the English language – as spoken and written in America – nobody ever said anything about dredging up my abysmal French, which tells me that statement may be grammatically correct, it also just feels stilted, formal… just… blah.

All of which really gives me the mad desire to call the man up and start hurling expletives at him…

Connard! Tas de merde! Tu me fais chier!

J’essaie de bosser putain!

Hey, I did not learn my French in school, okay?