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I’ve done some pretty strange Google searches in my day… Heck, I even recall back in the days of yore, before I knew better, using things like Ask Jeeves (when it still had that annoying butler type guy on it) and the aptly named DogPile (though I’m still known to hit that one up sometimes…)

And I’ve had some pretty surprising results – “huh, why am I getting porno results when I’m looking for a recipe for Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies?”

But, none of my strange web surfing has given me near as much pleasure – and confusion – as reading the list of searches that pointed people to my little space of the blogosphere.

Terms like the already mentioned: She stomped his testicles. Yeah. Okay…

Other recent ones of note?

How about – clown figurine Christmas tree? OK, that was pretty tame. But I can imagine someone was sorely disappointed to learn I do not do clown figurines on my tree. In fact, I think clowns are kinda creepy. OK, so I do have a collection of masks in my guest bathroom. They’re not creepy. Unless you’re a guy. Standing. Trying to do your business whilst being watched by the Comedy/Tragedy guys. Maybe then it’s creepy, or scary…

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OK, what about the “how do I get my butt bigger” search? I want to hunt that person down and slap them. Just because. There are people who want bigger butts? Really? OH, alright, I admit, The BF is seriously lacking in the butt department. The man has no butt. Period. Again, somebody was sorely disappointed to learn that I do not give tips for enlarging one’s butt.

Sexy gun chick pictures – ooooo, now I like that search. But I’m quite sure that my odd little collection of images are not quite what the searcher had in mind. In fact, I’d put money on that one. Here’s one very lovely fellow gun chick, Susan Sledge:

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Last, but certainly not least, the one that has me truly wondering what this person was searching for: Christmas penis balls+ribbons. Uhhhmmm…. Yeah. Well. Perhaps looking for neat little gift ideas for tying up the “family jewels” and presenting them as a Yule-time treat? Or, maybe an adult gag gift? Or some very interesting tree décor? I’ve debated putting those words in to see what would come up – I just have to remember to do it at home, rather than at work. There are some things I simply don’t want to have on my work computer. Nope.

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PS – I feel the need to point out (thanks to a wonderful old friend who reminded me) – I have a long history of hanging strange stuff in my bathroom. At one point, I had a B&W bathroom – the art over the commode was a photo of some zebra. For some reason, my guy friends all elected to sit (thus leaving the seat in the Roxy-Approved “down” position). I can’t imagine why?

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Though it was not this picture – by Chris Johns, and found at National Geographic (and I’m so getting this for my wallpaper) – it’s the same expression. Dang, wish I still had that picture!