What to do with an olive tree

When first moving into this house, I knew there was an olive tree in the corner of the back yard. Aside from the obvious mess I knew it would cause, and worrying about a certain canine tracking mooshed olive goo in on her feet, I didn’t give it another thought. Not really, anyway…

Then, said canine came in munching and chomping and terribly enjoying some small, roundish thing that when plucked from her mouth smelled distinctly of olive. Ugh! A quick Internet search proved olives were not in fact dangerous to doggies, and worries of her tracking in goo vanished as I realized she’d happily clean any goo off her feet…But, what to do with this tree full of olives?

The whithered remains of last year's crop should have been a clue!
The whithered remains of last year

Olives, it seems, cannot simply be enjoyed off the tree. Nope not even the ripe ones. They’re nasty, bitter creatures that require curing before they’re even vaguely edible (oh, and when discussing the opposite of edible, I much prefer inedible, as opposed to uneatable…is that even a word?)

Since I’m not known for having a wealth of free time, and I just cannot see myself engaging in any of these various curing methods (ummm…lye??), visions of home-cured olives have quickly given way to visions of chopping down said tree and replacing it with something less messy…

Like bougainvillea, or jacaranda…either of which would be less mess than this mushy, black-fruit dropping thing.

Why olive? If you’re gonna have a tree that drops crap, why not…ohhhh….mulberry? At least they produce straight-off-the-tree edible fruit!

Pardon me, I’m about to go searching for a deal on chainsaws…and whether or not olive wood is good to burn in your fireplace. Firewood, I know how to cure!

Yummy? Not yet!
Yummy? Not yet!