Holy patriarchal stupidity Batman!

English: Pope Benedict XVI during general audition
Pope Benedict XVI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Never mind the ongoing, and as yet unpunished, claims of child sexual abuse going on in the Catholic Church. Never mind the hungry who need feeding, the poor who need caring for, or loving thy neighbor or any of those other Christ-like things (“Feed my sheep” apparently means nothing here).

Nope, none of those things matter. The really big, big, big problem facing the Catholic, wait, no… facing the entire world today is… (pause for dramatic breath) WOMEN!

Yes, that’s right… Nuns are out of control with all this feeding of the hungry and clothing the poor shit. They’re spending too much time actually involved in real work, helping those in need and they’re not giving proper attention to their betters (read that: the men above them).

What. The. Fuck.

Back in April, the Vatican issued a reprimand to a group of American nuns for, “radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith.” Earlier this month came news of the Holy See blowing a gasket about a book that encourages female masturbation and consensual same-sex relations.

So… apparently, based on the reaction of the Vatican, non-consensual same-sex acts are simply “a mystery” when the perpetrator is an ordained priest and the victim is a young boy.

The real “mystery” here is why on earth the Vatican chooses to discipline nuns for speaking out, and has gone so far as to excommunicate members and clergy who have performed or aided in the performance of an abortion, but has thus far offered nothing more than apologies and promises to investigate the continued allegations of sexual abuse within the ranks.